Today I’ll write the title for this blog at the end as I’m not completely sure where my thoughts are going to end up. I often wake in the morning feeling fear of not having enough money for the rest of my life and also feeling guilty-like I have not used the money I have had in a responsible way. This morning that happened but quickly switched when I realized that I have used the money that I had been saving for retirement (still haven’t figured out what retirement means) to write my book, Keep Your Fork-Dessert Is On The Way: Savoring the Second Half of Life.
When I left a 9 to 5 job heading toward retirement several years ago, I felt my life was yet unlived. I was scared because I didn’t know what to do about it. On my tombstone, I wanted it to read she refused to die an unlived life. I began to write because I felt like somewhere deep down inside of me were clues and maybe if I found some of them, others might be interested in mining deep down in themselves to find gems that they had created throughout their lives. Through this search we could all savor a life well lived. This morning I realized that rather than needing to feel guilty about anything, I had dedicated the last five years of my life to a project which was meant to realize the best in me and the best in others.
Feeling guilty has been a frequent m.o. for me through out my life. As I blogged about a couple of weeks ago, mistakes have quickly turned from oops into sins in my life. I have made some mistakes about the way I have thought of money throughout my life. But this morning they turned from sins to lessons. The Course in Miracles says that all things are lessons God would have us learn.
Today I will continue to do activities to market my book. My intentions are writing a press release, planning workshops for local groups of elders and calling local bookstores about selling Keep Your Fork-Dessert Is On The Way:Savoring the Second Half of Life. There is a lot to do but I will do it with the renewed commitment to myself and my peers that this is indeed time to savor every minute that we have : the sweet, the sour and of course, the chocolate.