This morning as I was washing my face I realized how the wrinkles had really increased over the years. I remembered how lovely my mother’s face looked up until her passing at age 87. I experienced a surge of guilt that I hadn’t done a better job of taking care of my skin over the years. As I continued to talk to myself about it, I noticed that the temperature of my guilt was raising fast. It soon began to escalate into the category of Sin. If I had started earlier in my life, I could have had equally lovely skin. I had messed up.
I realized how many times I criticize myself; whether it is my cooking skills, body weight, ability to keep a budget or my irregularity in writing blogs. The criticism quickly leaves the arena of slightly irritating occurences and escalates to the level of sin.
I then remembered a verse from The Course in Miracles, Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God. If that was true then perhaps burning the french toast this morning could be thought of as an oops rather than a sin. Using extra bread, creating a smelly kitchen and making my guests wait for their breakfast could be met with a laugh and a reminder to be more attentive the next time.
I’ll try to remember to say ‘oops’ and smile today when what happens doesn’t meet my expectations of what is correct. I do have to run off and have lunch with a friend now. How many times have I declared it a sin when I have been late for an appointment? ( My father use to say that if you can’t be on time, don’t bother going.) However, if I’m late today, I’ll just say “oops”.